Not a Baby post

I finally finished the shirt-quilt I was working on for Ben.

He kept getting inexplicable holes in the left elbow of his work shirts so I saved them up until I got a sewing machine and made a little quilt.
The gray and the back (a blue shirting) are the only fabrics I bought, and instead of tying it, I sewed on buttons from the shirts. For the binding I used the button strips on the front of the shirt, but they don't look great.
anyway, it was a fun project, one thing to note is that it wrinkles easily - who'da thought?

Still NO Baby

Just to keep you all updated, and so you don't need to ask, we still have 'nobaby.

I'll probably be induced around the 27th-28th (happy birthday grumpa bus)
So ask me then if I'm a mom.

38 weeks

This is for all of you who couldn't wait to see what I look like with a salad bowl under my shirt.
Just kidding, that's just Anna.

Please Leave me Alone

This post is not meant to offend - it's just personal reflection.

Why I Don't Do Pyramid Schemes
1- I don't know people
2- I am against coercion
3- I'm not self-motivated - deal with it.
4- I'm horrible at Sales (see #2)
5- With the truth of #1, I don't want to alienate any people that are still willing to associate with me.
6- I hate throwing any kind of party. (may be the cause of #1)

The only Pyramid I'm comfortable moving up is Maslow's

Gruen Gruen Gruen sind alle meine kleider

I just got back from a quick trip to Albertson's, I bought potatoes and a few canned goods, then a $1 impulse item. When I got to the checkout I saw they were selling reusable "'green" shopping bags for $1. This is the trend now, and I really want to be on it. I could have very feasibly put back my impulse item and bought my first reusable bag - but I didn't. Now I have to air my guilt for you all in this blog.

In Dublin they are now charging .33 cents for plastic shopping bag use.It just makes more economic sense for them to buy the reusable. I figure, it's the least I can do, plus it will make me ahead of the trend. plus, who likes to store all those used plastic bags? So I'm going to try to buy one bag each time I go to the store until I have sufficient. Then the trick is remembering to take them with me when I go anywhere.

I also think i'm going to start recycling my cardboards more diligently - we have the receptacle, why aren't we using it?

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

So at 37 weeks, Anna and I are considered "full term" and could go to the hospital any day now.
It's growing increasingly discouraging to hear "any day now."

Some are more anxious than others, here's the scene in Anna's crib


(Ben set this up, they have been patiently waiting for weeks)
Unfortunately that game is progressing slowly with their limited vocabularies -

What's a Productive Life?

At the Institute I'm taking Gospel and the Productive Life. We've been talking about goal setting and are next going to tackle finances. This class has allowed me to evaluate how I do things, and why I do them like that.
example:
I've never been much for procrastination, and even less so now. If I know there is something I need to do, in school or around the house, rather than fight with it in my head, I get it done and out of the way so I can go on with my life basically guilt free.
This works with most things (one notable exception would be Visiting Teaching- very guilt laden).

Now I'm starting to notice something about Priorities.
I always seem to be bracing myself for having no time/money for the future. I live with this drive to do everything on my list in case at some future time, I won't have time to do it. (This existed long before Anna's impending arrival). Unfortunately this led me to have to limit myself.
Given all the class syllabi of a full college load, I would, with this fear, try to complete an entire course as soon as possible, because I wouldn't have time to do it later. I tempered this irrationality by doing homework for only one week of only one class - that way I know when I can stop, otherwise I would just keep doing homework and wear myself right out. This also leaves me with enough time at the end of the semester to finish up on papers and study for finals, especially because profs fall behind and if I keep a week ahead, eventually I will catch a free week.

anyway, I don't know if this rant is interesting or applicable, but it turns out that eventually prioritized items get accomplished and you should have some leisure time on your hands.
But what if I don't have time/can't afford to do the very lowest priorities on my list in the future? (this more easily applies to finances)

a little think I like to call Grammar

Automatic Reaction

I realized the other day that despite the fact that my car has an automatic transmission, I still drive like it is a manual.
I accelerate until, instinctively, I take my foot off the gas - to give it a chance to shift. However, I think this has been detrimental to my car - now unable to believe me when I want to accelerate- usually the car has already shifted just before I decide to take my foot off the gas again.
I have problems.

Toni Gaines, one in a million

HowManyOfMe.com

There are 20 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

This is of my first and last name together, I feel...endangered.

The Last Days?

I've been feeling very guilty for the past few days. I have all this time now that I'm not working or going to school all day and feel bad that I'm not spending every minute cleaning the house or completing one of my multiplying projects.

My paper is now 16.5 pages (it started at 13 so don't be too impressed) and I'm sure if I could find research to back up any of what I'm saying it would be nearly long enough with all the footnotes. But that's just not something I want to do all day. Especially if it includes taking trips to the HBLL.

I started a quilt, my first actual piecing quilt, and it looks pretty good but I know that if I sit down to work on it, I will a) spend the rest of the day and night on it until exhaustion forces me to stop and b) get very sore in back, legs and bum as I'm not quite as agile and resilient as I once claimed to be and c) if (a) comes true then that means I will also watch TV for all those hours which will inevitable lead to a brain-dead Toni, and I won't be able to finish my paper.

As far as getting ready for the baby, I feel like I should be doing things to set up and prepare myself but I have no idea what. Soon I will have outfits and things to organize but for now, I just hang out with the crib in an almost full room. (how will we fit the dresser?)

So all day I try not to spend all my time on one thing, that's the only way I know how to balance my activities.

Eternal Worth

Yesterday mymom invited me to attend her Stake Women's Conference, they had Virginia H. Pearce coming to speak to them (the H is for Hinckley). It was all quite exciting.
Before the meeting she same around to the early birds and shook hands with us, even asked about my baby, I was flattered.

Her talk, though, was quite impressive, it wasn't new or groundbreaking, but she seriously re-emphasized the fact that we are individually of infinite worth to God, and that our worth is all the same. God loves Gordon B. Hinckley and Osama bin Laden equally because they are both His sons.

I've been trying to type up all my old college notes to reduce the amount of storage boxes. I was recently going through my notes from my very first institute class in 2003 up at the U. In it was written the following:

"There are two kinds of people in the world, Lamans and Nephis. Laman's say 'God plays favorites' Nephi's say 'God must love everyone because he loves me'"

I wish I could be a Nephi, it is a refreshing perspective on things.


p.s.
In another book of institute notes I found this
"Humility is knowing there is a God and that it is not me."
that made me laugh.

What I Did Yesterday

Yesterday, I was a woman possessed. I went to the fabric store early in the morning to get some straight pins, but while I was there I remembered my secret wish to make Anna a dress out of some material I had, so I went to the patterns and bought my first ever.

I went home and spent the rest of the day - seriously - I stopped only to eat some lunch, forgetting all day to take my pills or even drink any water all day, and I made these two dresses. The green one I think of as the Sound Of Music play clothes made from curtains, but it was just a practice, the red one is really the one I was excited to make.



The best part, is that I made them from old skirts, which I had made from pillow cases. Just passing on the tradition.

Our Boston Baby

These are the onesies that Ben got while he was in Boston in October.




They are so CUTE!

Birth Class - A Toni Perspective

We went to our first birth class tonight at the hospital.

I had some hurty contractions.

But I didn't cry.

Also, they didn't show any movies to scare us, which was nice.

I have >6 weeks to write a 25 page paper.

Happy Friggin New Year

This is how I feel about celebrating New Year's

Sacrifice and Obligation

In church today I took the time to list all the scripture/publishings that we are told to study daily.

Book of Mormon 30-60 mins/day
Bible
D&C
Pearl of Great Price
Preach My Gospel
Current Ensign
most recent Conference talks
Sunday School Lesson

Not only do "they" say we should read each of these individually but as a family as well.

WHAT?!

Add to this additional admonitions to do genealogy, temple work, service, VT and HT and fulfill callings.

It's almost enough to make you give up eh?


When I showed my list to Ben, he wrote the following
"In order to be saved you need to do this every day, for at least 31 hours."
and I wrote "and go to the temple and understand it"
he continued, "and baptize 14 friends/week"

Juno - The Cautionary Whale

Ben took me to see "Juno" to celebrate my good report card. I've been wanting to see it for awhile and it just came out here on Christmas.

I really liked it, it's a little Napoleon Dynamite but way more believable characters. The writing and music are very hip. I'm not sure if it glorifies or criticizes teen pregnancy, but she doesn't get an abortion, which was nice and pretty intense.

Anyway, if you're looking for some really indie music and George Michael (from Arrested Development) in really short shorts, you should see this movie.

Also I cried.

Boastful Buckets

I could only think of a few things to blog. I hope I don't sound snooty. That's not what we're here for.
My wedding rings no longer fit on my fingers. This is sad for several reasons, a) my hands are swelling up and Anna is preparing to take over the world. b) I'm horribly afraid that I'm going to lose them, forget where I put them, accidentally throw them away etc... That would be sad. Ben might forget that he's married to me.

I got a 4.0! I think that has only happened one other time - in high school. But I took 15 credits in this my senior year and got A's up and down! Ben says I can have a party. I'd rather have a baby...A really smart baby.

Merry Christmas to all, Ben and I are in town so don't hesitate to call us, we like you all.

Christmas Bells are Ringing

There are only 8 days until Christmas. This is alarming, I feel like I haven't even been living it up! Soon the day will be past and gone and I'll have to listen to regular music and take down the tree and have nothing definitive to look forward to for the next few months.
It's upsetting.

The end of Enlightenment

Since school and work has ended (for me) this week, I've begun reading all those novels that I've never had time for.
First on the list was some short stories by Tolstoy. "The Happy Life" is beautifully written, I don't want to spoil anything so if you've read it recently, I'd love to discuss it. I just have a new found love for Tolstoy.
After a few more Tolstoy's I'll be moving on to reread "The House of Seven Gables" having recently been to Salem and touring the house.
Then, the perennial favorite, "Tess of the D'Urbervilles" and I don't want to hear anything from those of you proposing we burn the gothic novel.

Husben of the Year

This weekend we took a much anticipated trip to Salt Lake, we stayed 2 nights at the Hilton and lived it up in SL. We got there Friday night and went to dinner with a friend who is in her 3rd year of med school at the U. Unfortunately about 4 inches of snow fell while we were in the restaurant and there were no plows in sight, it was quite a hairy situation we found ourselves in. In our efforts to return our friend safely in the hilly concourses of the Avenues we hit the curb half a dozen times, and unfortunately caused significant damage to the car, at least our alignment if not more.
Keeping in mind the conditions we endured on the roads the night before, Saturday we found ourselves afoot. We took trax up to Trolley Square (Ben's new favorite mall). We also found a cute bakery/deli called Paradise Bakery right on 4th south (Ben's new favorite bakery/deli) and did a walk through at Wild Oats across the street (Ben's new favorite health food store). All of this adventuring had Ben quite convinced that we would be moving up to Salt Lake within the month.
Possibly my favorite moment was when we decided to buy trax tickets even though we were only one stop outside the free ride zone, the only cash I had was a $20, so I got $16.30 back entirely in change.
Back in mid-town we stopped at the German food/restaurant Siegfrieds where Ben excitedly ordered Bratwurst mit Rotkohl und Spaetzle. It was really good, we then proceeded to spend much moneys on European chocolate.
Saturday night was the big work party extravaganza, we arrived 40 minutes before most everyone else. I was wearing 3-inch hooker boots (they hurt a lot) with my maternity dress and a red scarf, I looked pretty retro I think, but nice. Dinner was fun, I met a lot of people who think quite a lot of myben and we ate some interesting food.

The BIGGEST news of the night however is that MyBen was awarded the Employee of the Year for his department. It was really exciting and he totally deserved it. This included not only a clever little trophy but a $500 bonus. So now we can fix the car.

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

The most common dreams I have about the baby are disastrous. So we have this baby but I neglect it severely, feed it once a day then go to school for the rest of the day. Change diapers occasionally but we never give it any attention. and I wake up very sad and realize that I'm not making the sacrifices in that dream that I probably will have to make.


But Matilda had the same problem and she turned out telekinetic. So maybe it's okay.

BYU adventure

I went to the BYU today to use their library.
Complaint #1 - no parking
Complaint #2 - campus is really big and quiet because no one talks to each other
Complaint #3 - the HBLL is GINORMOUS. I had to go to 3 different rooms to find 4 books on the same subject
Complaint #4 - I gave a dollar to a copy machine that didn't work and wouldn't give me my dollar back. Then I found another copy machine, gave it another dollar, made 4 copies and forgot to get my change
Complaint #5 - I was walking around so much and so frustrated that I got some pretty heinous side-aches, which I think are actually contractions

Redeeming Quality - I saw cousin Lauralee and we chatted on my way back to my car.



UVSC Complaint #1 - Vending machine prices are skyrocketing, I can't believe there's a market out there for 80 cent bags of skittles.

The Devil's Food

I read the "Screwtape Letters" at work today. I'd never read them before and thought it was really good. The theme I caught most powerfully was Selfishness. It seemed to be everywhere. What did you think when you read it?

Pregnancy Post

I realized last night that in the not too distant future, this baby will actually want to be on the outside of me. This is unfortunate because I'm quite comfortable with things as they are. I could go on being pregnant for a while, and at this point, it seems a better, although misguided, goal than the reality of the situation brings.

A Word on Tedium

There are 116-118 elements on the periodic table. Let me tell you how I know this.

Yesterday my boss asked me to use her label maker and print out the atomic mass numbers because the 4 charts she bought for the tutoring center lacked that pertinent information. After printing they then had to be trimmed down to fit in the space allotted. So 116 x 4 = over 7 hours of work and a minor case of carpal tunnel.
And while this sucks, I figure it's the least I can do to earn my wage, rather than sitting around doing my homework.

See, I'm Awkward

Yesterday evening Ben and I were in Salt Lake for our ward youth conference, we had a speaker (Jon Bytheway) and we went to dinner at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building (the Roof). Once we got back to Orem and dropped off the teacher we were shuttling we remembered that we didn't have any sacrament bread for today so we'd have to stop at Target on the way.

I was exhausted so I sat in the food court area while Ben fetched the bread and some other necessities. While I was waiting I spied coming towards me a guy I work with. We aren't particularly friends but we usually say hi even though we don't really want to do so. At this juncture he was holding hands with some manner of girlfriend. So in an effort to avoid awkwardness I had a few options, I could look away, find something distracting on or around me - but instead of these practical, believable methods, I just closed my eyes. This way he didn't have to say hi to me and I didn't have to acknowledge that I saw him when he walked right in front of me.
Told you I'm afraid of people.

If Not For You

There are some days when
you are just sitting around --
unimpressive and idling
the hours by with mindless activities--
taking stock of your moderately
moderate
life

then your friend Bob Dylan
pops up on iTunes and you know
that there are still
things to make you smile.
Like a raspy
steady
monotone
voice.


Thanks Bob.

Overcompensation

I got a haircut yesterday.
I find it ironic that the hairstylist can put 5-6 different products in your hair and your hair still feels very natural and un-product-y.
But when I try to put even one bit of product in my hair it invariably makes my hair both look and feel nasty.

Probably because as an amateur, I want to make sure that the product is going into effect, and I can only tell when I can see or feel it in there, and by then it's too late.

I was Tagged

1- I'm afraid of people, I get very nervous in social situations and usually withdraw. I get very anxious in rowdy groups of strangers (Mutual activities). And I don't really get to know people quickly, it usually takes weeks-months of interaction before I feel comfortable.
2- I love crafting supplies, like scrapbook things, but I rarely use them.
3- I hate it when I find spiders in the bathtub.
4- I've become disenchanted with movies. There are myriads coming out every week, but how do you decide which will really become great movies and worth seeing - how will they stand out in the test of time? and if I don't know that, why should I see them.
5- I'm convinced that Anna is absorbing tons of information while still in the womb. When she's born, she will recognize my Professors voices, Christmas carols, and other sounds that she is hearing now.
6- I hate food. Everything is bad for you. Too sugary, too salty, too fatty, too refined. and I hate vegetables. I'd rather not eat at all but Anna gets sick when I do that, so I end up eating crap because if you're going to eat any of it, you might as well eat what you like.

I don't want to pressure anyone into doing this but if LJ, Marci, Anna Heath and Coach Amy want to, feel free to post 6 things about yourself.

It was my idea

For FHE last night Ben and I cranked up the Christmas songs on itunes and played scrabble.

Just to fill space

So I had been thinking about getting a Masters degree in Library Science, there are some programs that are offered online from other states and etc...
However, we've decided against it. I talked to a lady at the Graduate School Fair, she was really helpful and really pumped me up for this program that does a lot online but also gives classes on the weekends in Salt Lake. Turns out it wouldn't work.
When I talked to Ben about it and I realized that the top pay was around $40,000 - which is what I could probably get with just my BA, we agreed that the investment was probably not worth it.
So I'm not doing that anymore.
in case you were wondering.

Stirrings

Today at church Anna kicked me so hard! and in the upper belly too! I was so excited, but disappointed that Ben wasn't there to feel it (he was in YM and still hasn't really felt her). She must have really been enjoying the lesson on the power of procreation that we were hearing in young womens.

Ranting

I wish I was one of the people with an innate and demanding sense of justice. Someone who will fight for what they think is right even if they might look foolish half of the time.

I just got finished with a rather arduous test at the testing center on campus. Not a location I usually frequent. When I finished, my head still buzzing, they told me I wasn't supposed to write on the test (most of it was in the bluebook but there was a map portion that would normally have been on this separate piece of paper) and that there was a $1 fine. So I went out to my car to get a dollar, wondering if this instruction was written somewhere and I had missed it. When I returned to pay this indignity I asked to see the test again to see if it was written. It wasn't. They explained that it was in the instructions when they gave me the test. Apparently the IDIOT who gave me the test CAN'T do his job and I HAVE TO PAY FOR IT!

I wish now I had refused to pay and raised a stink, they probably would have just detained my bluebook and caused me to fail... They have the ultimate power I guess.
what a crappy way to end a crappy week at school.

More pretty pictures -

I got the pictures from my post-wedding bridal photo shoot. These are some of the best, I had like over 100 shots to choose from so enjoy these, I can only do so much.



Raquel said she was going to put some up on her professional site at raquelallenphotography.com, so you can check those out too.

SO Pregnant

So I've finally accepted the fact that I'm showing, we bought maternity clothes to that effect, tell me what you think.

SITT Day 3

We went to Sea World. It was pretty cool, I touched a dolphin. Here's documentation to that effect.

They went on all the rides, but there were no pregnants allowed, so I watched the Clarky while they did all the stuff I wouldn't want to do anyway.

We came home exhausted and a little grumpy and made some delicious Chinese food, and that helped.

Then the girls stayed up to watch a movie, and got less sleep than we needed.

SITT Day 2

Yesterday was really fun, we played with Clark all morning while Ben F. was taking his test, when he got back we went for a drive into the country and you know what we found? OUTLET MALLS!!!

They have tons of outlet malls about 45 minutes from here, we went into a lot of ridiculous and pricey stores, like Georgio Armani and Saks 5th Avenue. but alas, it was at the less extravagant stores that we found what we wanted. I was really the only one who needed to shop, I got a pair of red church shoes and some maternity shirts. Not a bad day, we were there 3-4 hours I think, I got very tired, so did Anna.

When we got home the Aunties babysat while the Frannies went to a movie. It was great, except for the part when he wouldn't go to bed. Luckily Auntie Beetle is an old pro and got the job done.

Sisters in Texas Trip Day 1

Arrival and the Alamo

we arrived without a hitch in Sanantonio yesterday afternoon. We somehow made it to Jan's apartment (she gets lost a lot). We had lunch and distributed gifts, then Clark and Beetle took a nap and I worked on a baby quilt I'm making. After naps we went DOWNTOWN. Again, getting slightly lost, but it was worth it. The downtown is very cool. We went to the Alamo but it was closed. That's okay though, Jan says the gardens are the best part, they were as well manicured as temple grounds might be.
The Riverwalk, is a below street level paradise, a canal runs through the middle while hundreds of restaurants set up on the sides with patios in every one looking over the ducks and boat tours. It is luxuriously landscaped and utterly beautiful. We ate at one of the many semi-mexican food restaurants touting happy hour and the best margaritas in town. We took their word for it.
After we found our way back to the apartment we got ready for bed and watched the office. It was a great way to start a vacation. and we are totally enamored with the young squire of the house, he is still a bit wary of us.

Thankful

I would like to thank my gracious mother for providing a great forum for a family getaway. It was so comfortable and we couldn't have eaten better. thanks mom.

What is this thing?!

Well, it's a girl frankly.

We got the ultrasound and...we were right.

We've decided on the name Anna,
Anna Lynne Gaines

please refrain from calling her Annalynne - that's not her name.
it's Anna.

that's all.

And the Gender is...

Inconclusive.

Moonunit was uncooperative for the ultrasound so we don't know still.

We are going next week for a better ultrasound at the hospital so check back for those results, they might be illustrated.

Generation Chex

I have developed my first case of senioritis. It happens that all of my classes are required for graduation, thus I had to choose from a highly limited assortment. I thought they would be interesting, and they could be, if the professors actually taught anything. I have a class on colonial America/Canada and it is so boring. We've watched movies every other day and he never actually teaches us anything useful when he tries to lecture, just rehashes the reading.

Also, I have a few other things to think about -- like my upcoming child. (stay tuned for gender ultrasound results tomorrow)

How do you get out of senioritis?

ignorance was bliss

I forgot to pay my fees for school this semester until recently, and I didn't have any money (see previous post). So I prepared to wait for another paycheck to do so. Unfortunately these things aren't sensitive to my schedule. I got an email that all my classes were dropped until I paid - with $150 in late fees- So sad, and stressful.
So I paid today and have been reinstated as a student, thank goodness. although half of my classes were canceled today anyway...

Hot Car Girl

A few hours spent on the Auto-shop circuit can feel like an entire day.
Today I, the proactive individual you know and love, decided to get my safety and emissions testing done for my car. Notice that it is only the 18th and I would still have 2 weeks to do this. However, before I could get the testing done, I had to get a new windshield installed ($180). Since this only took a half hour and I had budgeted for an entire hour, I decided to go ahead and get the inspections done ($40) , which I passed! However I did get quite a tongue lashing for putting cheap gas in the engine and almost ruining it. I felt so bad about it that I promptly went and put some Premium gas in ($20) and I'm happy to report that it's running smoother already. Then I returned home and filled out the paperwork online so that I can receive the stickers from the state ($115). All told, quite a productive day, and of course my handy credit card is quite warm and worn.
Also, I smell like an auto shop oil+gas+waiting rooms.

I Trashed my Dress

Click Here to see my supermodel self.

I trashed my wedding dress, it was fun.
Reasons for:
A) I didn't really like my dress, nor did I pay very much for it.
B) I don't like that there are things in life that people expect you to be sentimental about.
C) It was fun and whacky, and who does things like that?

Best Ben

This morning did not start off well. I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep, especially when I remembered that it was Wednesday, the day I have to stay at school from 9-5. Ben went to the gym and came back before I had to get out of bed. He was ready to leave for work an hour before he had to be there, I stalled him as long as I could. When he left I went looking for breakfast. Alas, no milk. Maybe toast? Alas, no bread. I texted Ben about my predicament so that maybe he'd feel bad for leaving so early. I had some peaches and yogurt and attempted a no-bread lunch.
Once I thought I had it all together, Ben came back...bearing gifts. Instead of going in to work, he went to the store and got milk and bread so I wouldn't starve. He is the Best Ben.

Girls Just Want to Have Fun

In a sad but welcome turn of events, I have been released from the Sunbeams. It's okay though, Moonunit didn't really like sitting in those little chairs anymore.
I have been reassigned to the Mia Maids as an advisor.
I went to mutual tonight and I'd like to make a couple of points

a) teenage girls (maybe all teens) LOVE to show off. If their self esteem is good, they brag about their conquests in boys and or fashion. If self esteem is suffering, they emphasize just how weird they are - anything to get attention.

b) girls that place themselves in the "upper" social circles will always band together, even if their ages differ 2-3 years. I don't know if I can explain this sufficiently.

c) Ice Cream is always good.

d) I look younger or as young as most of them.

e) I'm highly surprised how prepared I am to handle even the oddest girls, I think from my own time spent in yw's.


I think that's all, I'll keep you updated.

For those with eyes to see, let them see

So, here I am at 15ish weeks, getting ready for church. If you can't see the moonunit, I'm sorry but I am definitely showing.

Piaget's Pajamas

Today in my Literature of the Sacred class we had a great lecture about stage theory and faith. Stage theories are everywhere and you can find one to map any facet of life, stages of cognitive development, moral development, physical etc. Today we were introduced to the stages of faith. This is not necessarily faith in God, but usually faith in something with permanence, baseball does not count. They are as follows:

Primal Stage, where as a child without language you decide whether or not you are loved in this world or not, depending on the care you receive by parents.

Intuitive/Projective, ages 2-6, you are able to identify permanent fixtures in your life, your house, toys, family members etc. God is seen as a parent figure, basic ideas of right and wrong are established.

Mythic/Literal, ages 7-12, concrete thoughts, everything is taken literally. little empathy, single perspective. what I found interesting about this stage is researchers find that many men are stuck in this mind set due to stressful jobs or authoritarian situations and they often seek religions that follow that authoritarian pattern.

Synthetic/conventional, ages 13-adult, This is the ability to view other perspectives, however most of your decisions are made by the collective of people you surround yourself with, this may include family, church or school organizations or friends. It is around this point that most people get stuck in life, the ensuing stages found fewer and fewer people.

Individuative/Reflective, ages 20-adult, development of independent thought, deconstruction of past thoughts. This is where we develop a healthy sense of skepticism about everything that has been taught to us in the past that we willingly accepted. Most people develop this in college, many never make it to the next stage.

Conjunctive, ages 30 to adult, this brings a reevaluation of life, once you get through deconstructing your belief system, and you realize just how bleak everything is when you don't believe in anything, you begin to put back together the past ideas that you scorned earlier. At this point you are ok with paradox. This might include a mid-life crisis, where you try to relive or retry things that you once failed.

Universalizing, I compare this to Maslows Self-Actualization, you put aside yourself and devote yourself to God (or whatever your belief brings you to) God's concerns are your concerns. A lot of people who reach this stage (only 1 was found in the study of over 350 people) are resented and probably killed because of this, Socrates, Jesus...

I'm sorry if this is long, but I have a few more thoughts: most religions will promote your advancement to the synthetic/conventional stage because it bolsters their strength, however the goal of most religions - honestly- is to reach the Universalizing stage. However, once you get to the individuation stage, religions almost condemn you, so that is the challenge, to make it through the individuation to get where you want to go.

Also, considering I'm taking 19th Century Europe and struggling for a paper topic, I immediately thought of a stage theory for developing into a realized country

Settlement/organization stage
Colonial/tribal stage
Suppression stage (whether you realize it or not)
Revolution (corresponding to individuative)
constitutional/democratic stage
citizens-first stage (possibly socialism or communism - except it would work)

Imps in the Pews

Ben and I often find ourselves subject to sitting in the church pew behind the most disruptive children in the congregation. Today was Stake Conference, that means 2 hours of the most disruptive children. 4 of them, with only 1 guardian, a well trained mother who would allow only a short shriek from any of them before she immediately gave them more crackers, gold fish etc so they would be quiet.
They may have been mostly quiet but they were not reverent, ranging in ages from 7-2, the chaos never ended. By the end of the meeting 2 were missing shoes, one being barefoot, and of 2 ties, none were being worn at the end of the meeting.
I felt bad and wanted to help her but wasn't sure how.

"the deal"

My friend from high school would always tell stories about the ridiculous things his dad would buy because they were such a good deal. Like a really old car, or a big bucket of car wax, or anything really. He would come home and show his wife the other, less impressive items and then for the grand finale, show "the deal" that made the whole trip worth it.

While less impressive, I feel that Ben and I stumbled on a deal at the mall the other night. We got "The Sound of Music" on DVD for $10. now, some of you may be unimpressed, but you should also know that Ben has NEVER even seen it. An abomination in the eyes of many, but true. And while I doubt that I will ever really get him to sit down and watch the whole thing and not fast forward through Climb Every Mountain, I think he'll get the gist if I watch it enough when he is in the house.

So it's been a long week of doing nothing. I had all of last week off with nothing planned - thus nothing significant was achieved. That's the way things work I guess.

School starts tomorrow, I've started receiving textbooks in the mail which makes it all too real. I've already read one, called "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" actually written by a French man paralyzed by a stroke, he worked out a system of communicating with people one letter at a time and had one woman take his dictation. It was really good, and I recommend it, if you want to borrow it, I read it all in like 2 hours. He died just 2 days after the French publication came out.

Ben's get their wish

We went boating this weekend with the Todd Spencers, Ben has been aching to go since last summer, and they were kind enough to indulge us/him.

We got a lot of cool pictures of Brian on the Wakeboard

And they had a ton of fun on the tubes


In the end however, I threw up over the side of the boat and we went back into the harbor.

Generalities

Today marks the end of pregnancy week 11 and the beginning of week 12. I'm starting to feel better generally and am especially excited about the return of appetite. I can't tell if I'm showing any more than usual, only time can tell.

I have the entirety of next week off, work and school and have no idea what to do with my time. I'll probably end up spending a lot of money on things I don't really need.
So far all I really want to do is hang out with my new nephew Lincoln, I'm probably going to play with him tomorrow, you can be jealous.

I just finished my class for the summer, the professor was insane and horrible. I don't think I could do her justice...it's a wonder we all survived, it's possible that a revolution would have erupted if we had even one more week in class with her.

Magical Mystery Van

Everyday on my way to and from school I pass an old, brown 12 seater type van. It never moves, but some days, it goes camouflage. The owners, (I assume the van isn't animate and doing this on its own) have rigged it up so that several various pieces of fabric can be attached to the van insomuch that it is entirely covered by these dozen or so manufactured van-skirts. They even have some that cover the wheels. I'm baffled every time.
It's a mystery really.

Do they need to cover it so the cops don't know it's a van under all that material?
Does someone sleep in it and require complete cover in case of...aliens?

I have no idea.

It looks just like me! only grainy

So, here's the latest picture of our little moonunit, some have described it (her/him) as a lima bean or peanut. The head is on your left in the little black area called the sac, the rest of the body follows to the right. I'm on my 11th week and eager to escape this first trimester. We won't know the sex of the baby for another 10 weeks or so but we're looking for some girls names that would compliment the middle name of Lynne, please submit your suggestions.

ps Marci, nothing personal but I can't name my baby after you.

Supplemental

I haven't been a very good blogger lately, I can't think of anything really so I thought I'd do a memory I was thinking of last night.

Remember the concrete irrigation pipes that ran through the yard and orchards?
I loved running along them as a kid, and jumping the gaps that were opened for each row. For the longest time I could only jump the ones that were 1-2 pipe lengths. I was jealous of the olda kids who could easily jump the 3 pipe-length holes. I was always afraid that I wouldn't make it and end up with my knees banging into the rim.
Eventually I could, and it was suddenly less fun to run along the pipes.

Dream a Little Dream

My dream last night was weird, weird enough to make me think that I had dreamed it before. I was in my minds perception of Revolutionary Russia, right when they changed to Communism. I had been hanging out with all my old High School buddies when the Revolution happened. They all happened to be successful Communists; so after the change, they lined up all the women and allowed the higher up comrades to pick their wives. I was in the line and as all my friends went past me I begged one of them to choose me so I would get sent to Siberia. In the end it turned out that Brandon Osmond picked me. I was a little confused because we were never actually friends but I was glad also because he got to live in a big house with a pool and I wasn't sent to Siberia.

Sunbeam Chronicles III

Primary was wild this week, luckily we only had 6 kids and I wasn't teaching. I had taken another nausea pill before church, stupid because I know how sleepy it makes me. Anyway, it was all I could do to hold Wiggly Sunbeam on my lap. I kept telling him he was wiggling too much to be on my lap, he replied smartly that I was the wiggly one.
During singing time Yelly Sunbeam got to choose his favorite primary song, the idea was a bit beyond him but his mom said he liked Popcorn Popping. He agreed saying, "yeah, I like popcorn, and quesadillas!" we don't have a quesadilla song unfortunately.

Disappointment in its many forms

Last weekend we stopped at a subway for lunch. I got my regular turkey 6-inch and it was delectable of course. It was actually so good that I dreamt about it during my nap later that day.
Today, in my nausea, I decided that kind of treat would send me soaring. So during my lunchbreak, I wandered down to the local hoagie and yogurt place of business and ordered, essentially, the exact same sandwich. Much to my dismay, it was positively awful. They should put warrants out for that kind of heinous crime to my tastebuds. I was and am severely disappointed and hope you all didn't actually take time to read this blog post about it.

Some new things

I promise I won't make this blog all about my pregnancy. Promise.
But I have to tell you that morning sickness is not all it's cracked up to be.
I was sick all day yesterday so I got the prescription filled that my doctor gave me for excessive nausea, a mix of unisom and vitamin B6. I took one before Ben and I went to dinner (Jason's Deli, a fine place, Ben recommends the salad bar) when we got back from dinner, I went straight to bed. at 6:30. I woke up at midnight for a snack and to get Ben to come to bed, then I woke up at 6:30 am and decided 12 hours was probably enough for one night, so I got up and studied for my test on Friday.

"The Fun" never ends

I need to think of a topic for my final college paper. I'll begin researching in the Fall and finish it in the Spring, when I will hopefully graduate. Problem is, I don't know what I want to do it on. I'm pretty sure I can research anything, I want to focus on a Jewish/Middle Eastern Theme with a lot of primary sources, but I'm stuck. Any suggestions, on what you would like to learn about through me, would be accepted and welcomed with a hug.

Last Week of Classes

It really bothers me when, in a class of over 25, just a few pedantic and/or socially inept students can ruin the entire class for me. People that just keep raising their hand and talking for over 5 minutes about glaringly obvious principles and ideas. Or people that don't even raise their hands but think they're helping us all learn by repeating almost exactly what the professor says all the time.

Eventually in these classes I get to the point where I have to distract myself enough so I don't accidently yell out loud at them that no one cares and we would all be better off if their vocal cords were removed. Or I might just walk out of the class when they start to save my sanity.

It's hard to learn when I spend most of the time dreading that these people will pipe up, and the rest of the time trying to distract myself while they do talk.

If this is a little harsh for you, I'm sorry. I just have to get this stuff out of my system.

ps. in my random google images search, this picture came up...from Canyon Crest Elementary, Provo

Embrace the warm embrace

So, it has come to that point in the summer where it becomes perilous to drive your car. It's so hot the steering wheel melts your skin when you touch it, and as it turns out that is a necessary function of driving.
I refuse Air Conditioning, even though I wanted a car that had it (because I never had before). I just don't like how it burns through the gas which I'm trying in vain to preserve.

Anyway, the moral of the story is, better get some oven mitts in your car if you plan to drive in the middle of the day.

The Truth Comes Out

I've decided I don't want to buy a house yet. Because if you buy a house, you've settled down to adulthood. No more moving whenever or wherever you want, or changing jobs because you're tired of them. A house means you've got all the questions answered and the future all sewn up.
Newsflash: none of this points to Toni. She is a Freaked Out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional wreck. (directly taken from "The Italian Job")
I'm still in college, there's no guarantee that I will even get a better job after I graduate. I'll end up making sandwiches again in some deli on the edge of town. Why can't I just stay in school until I have a skill that's marketable? (meaning 'forever,' because who wants to learn important things?)
I could definitely stay in an apartment and be quite comfortable until all these problems are solved.

Sunbeam Chronicles II

Today in Sunbeams I taught the lesson called "I'm grateful that I can smell and taste." As you can imagine, with 8 little bodies running around, it got a little out of control. I prepared both smell samples and tasting samples. After we listed smells we like and dislike - chicken being one we dislike - I started the smelling samples, Yelling Sunbeam thereafter declared that everything smelled like chicken.
The tasting samples were pretty funny, I had lime juice, cornstarch, salt and sugar. I brought little pieces of bread to dip or spread the sample on, then they would eat it. Grumpy Sunbeam is celiac so we just had him dip his finger in and lick it off.
We started with the lime juice, I didn't get a lot of funny reactions but when Sunbeam Innocent tried it she was able to keep smiling but her face turned a bright red. Yelling Sunbeam, after barely touching the lime juice bread to his tongue refused to eat it and gave it back to me. As we went on, they didn't really react notably, Grumpy Sunbeam, sensing that he was special because he got to put his finger in them, started trying much more than I recommended, including quite a bit of salt, but he said he liked it.
It was fun, we ended with sugar, a trip to the drinking fountain and some vigorous coloring-turned-pirate fighting.

you know...

You know when you meet new people at school and they say, "I'm pre-med" or "I'm pre-dent". I just want to say "I'm pre-life, when I get out of here, I'm going to do some living" and then punch them in the nose or something. I wonder what kind of test you have to take for life?



This is in no way supposed to cause offense to those highly successful and wonderful people I know personally who happen to be pre-med or pre-dent. this does not apply to you. This means you Francisco, I don't want any bad comments coming from your corner.