11 years ago

Here is an assignment from whatever grade I was in 11 years ago (pre-caramel burgers), the assignment was to write a letter to your parents to try and persuade them on an issue, then they could write a reply. It should be noted that I got a "FANTASTIC!" stamp from my teacher and 45/45. Also, I chose a font that used all caps, because I have a tendency toward Excessive Capitalization, and I thought it would disguise that fact.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Gillespie

When I go on walks and such, I can't help but notice all the loved and cherished pets along my way, and I can't help but feel left out because all I've got are some stupid, scary ol' chickens!
There is only one way to cure this dreadful disease, and that is to buy me some Sea Monkeys! With Sea Monkeys I could be the envy of all my friends. They would soon beg for some Sea Monkeys so that they could be as cool as me.
Besides, Sea Monkeys are the perfect pets for the kid who has almost everything. They live in small areas, they don't need much, just a person to watch and make sure they aren't dead. As long as you pay for them, I will purchase their Sea Monkey food, toothbrushes and little sea monkey handkerchiefs.

Furthermore, when you were a young 'un, didn't you want your own Sea Monkeys? When your parents wouldn't let you, didn't you think they were cruel and unfair? Would you like the next several generations to feel like that, just because you had to? And you made your kids?
Anyway, Sea Monkeys don't vandalise or kill or ruin things. They just sit and be their little Sea Monkey selves. they would be well cared for I would even name them. They would be called Henry and Duke and Joe and Elmira. And we would live forever together like happy little monkeys from the Sea.
But if you are only worried about where the nearest dealer is, I hear the prices for Sea Monkeys are going down on the black market, as well as various other anonymous dealers. Also the pet shop down the street has some for slightly higher prices, if you prefer that approach.
In conclusion, Sea Monkeys have been known to lengthen a persons life span and lower their blood pressure. Because if you suffer a heart attack while caring for them, they would also die, and after a while they would be extinct. So I strongly suggest this purchasing of Sea Monkeys for my benefit as well as yours.

Asking For a Chance,
Toni Gillespie

Here is the reply I got:

Toni, Toni,
Do we need to continue this conversation yet again? Haven't I explained the dangers of sea monkeys enough? They are vicious little critters when they aren't fed on time and they kind of stink if their bowl isn't cleaned. And there's the whole evolution thing - what happens when some of their offspring are mutated and decide to leave the consistency of the sea and move inland to inhabit the trees? Why we would have an infestation of "former" sea monkeys in all of our house plants, under the beds, and hidden away in various cupboards. Besides the obvious problems of trying to keep sea monkeys alive and happy, you must realize they just can't be trained to do anything. They just sit in the water, hanging in suspended reality hour after hour. You can throw them a stick, ask them to fetch, or sit, or roll over, but all you'll get is blank stares (unless you hit them with the stick) as the float and float and float.
Now chickens on the other hand produce something of worth. They make their existence worthwhile everyday in eggs and as early morning alarm systems. They aren't a threat because they run away when anyone gets near, they are chickens after all. And if you get tired of them they fit right into a roasting pot. But what good are sea monkeys?? When you are older you'll realize that I was right, and if you don't you can buy all the sea monkeys you want in your house, but don't invite me over, unless it's for a sea monkey barbecue.

Dad

So when Anna asks for a puppy, I will surprise her with some Sea Monkeys, and she will forget all about puppies. At least it will be better than some chickens.
Did we persuade any of you?